Introduction

You’re probably here because you feel broken.  Your divorce probably just happened or you’re about to go though it or you just can’t seem to get past it. Your emotions are running wild and you feel like you’re losing your sanity.

You just want to feel the ground underneath your feet again and find joy in the simple things you once cherished.  When a relationship ends it is a death.  Grief will grip you and not let go for sometime.  Grief will feel like a chronic disease and there is no quick fix or a pill you can take to treat it.  Grief is a process, a long and painful process.  What will help mend your wounds is to give your grief meaning.  Use your grief to improve your self-image, your self awareness, your world perspective, re-calibrate your values and embrace the good people in your life.

“Greif is an appallingly solitary experience, what helps with grief is a belief system that places it in a greater context, that invest it with meaning.  Because that’s the killing part, when grief is meaningless.” –Yann Martel’s The High Mountains of Portugal (YM)

My intent is to be your guide through this painful experience.  I went through this.  I will share my emotional journey, discuss positive and negative coping mechanisms,  my view on relationships and the skills that are present in healthy relationships.

You must embrace your grief and work everyday towards lasting reconciliation. The hardest part of this process is achieving an emotional self awareness and NOT resist the changes that are coming.  When marriages or relationships end it’s because one or both partners want to dissolve their identity and social circles and begin anew— for whatever reason. This is manifested when women change their last names back to their maiden names.  A surname is precious.  It identifies you to the world, it gives communities a basic idea of where you are from and who is your family, the basic sense of where your loyalties and values lie. It’s more than an identity, it’s a statement

Youtuber Nerdwriter has an amazing video to help begin your recovery.  We must embrace our wounds, our brokenness.  This idea of embracing our wounds is captured in the Japanese mending practice of Kintsugi or golden joinery.  This method takes broken ceramics and repairs them with a special lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum.  The repair makes the ceramic more valuable and emblazons its imperfection as an essential moment in the ceramic’s history.

Like the practice of Kintsugi, we will take our brokeness and mend our hearts and souls with that same concept.  We will improve the content of our character, our perspective in life, and emblazon our past trauma as an essential catalyst in finding fulfillment and purpose in our life.

Go out and buy a journal.  Over time this will prove self soothing and it will demonstrate the emotional progress you will make.  Grief is a long and painful journey.  You are going to feel like you are making little to no progress, but the journal will give you hope that you are healing.

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